Four Years of Conditioning

So I just started a new job and its made me realize a few things. First is that I was at the previous gig for far too long, just over 4 years to be precise. That is an awful long time now that I actually sit down and think about it, four years of driving an hour each way to get paid enough to make ends meet and buy a house along the way. A whopping 49 months of dodging crazy drivers on the highway, sitting in traffic behind an accident and twitching at every deer on the side of the road at night.

Despite that long duration its taken only a few days at the new place to realize just how badly I have been messed up by the previous employer. Its not even that the direct supervisor or manager were bad people, to be honest their hands were mostly tied by the corporate structure in place that moved at the pace of drunken dinosaurs in tar. One of the biggest things is the change in lighting, the new office is so bright it sometimes bothers my eyes if I don’t look at something dull like a piece of paper or my matte black new Dell laptop. While I’m thinking about laptops let me contrast the previous with the new; HP Elitebook i5 w/ 4GB of RAM and Windows 7 x32 (with a flat out refusal to update to x64) versus a brand new Dell i7 w/ a 256GB SSD and 8GB of RAM and an x64 version of Windows. You would think over 4 years the hardware would have been updated but somewhere along the line a policy was put in place that you had to justify updated equipment, so instead of getting a new machine at 3 years I was told to suck it up.

Without going through every little difference the main point I am making is that I didn’t realize how bad I really had it at the previous job until I finally left. Sure I miss the people I worked with, they were probably the only reason I managed to make it to the four year mark. But now I can’t help but shake this feeling that the other shoe is waiting to drop at the new job, that some dark secret or terrible truth is waiting to spring free when I finally let my guard down and accept that not every employer is a monolithic behemoth of bureaucracy that that treats its employees more like prison inmates than actual free people doing a service for them. This of course is not healthy in the least bit, but it is what it is and I have to fight every day to not let that negative voice inside my head be the loudest.